Undercover Lovers
by jdlilith
Summary: John is shocked when Mycroft asks him and Sherlock with help to find a missing person. he is even more shocked at what happens when him and Sherlock go undercover together
1. The case

Chapter 1

A/N This is my first story and I'm very excited about it. I am a USA writer and please forgive me if my slang isn't quite fitting with England but I will try my best. I really hope you enjoy.

John was surprised when he returned to 221b and found Sherlock talking with a client. He shouldn't be surprised seeing Sherlock hardly noticed when he was gone but he was surprised by the fact it was Mycroft that was sitting in the chair that they used when meeting clients. "Mycroft?" John said in welcoming

"John, good of you to finally show up. Mycroft was just leaving." Sherlock almost forced Mycroft out of the flat. Mycroft would have normally dodged around his brother but in this case he was trying to get help and wouldn't go against his brother's wishes, for now.

Once Mycroft was gone Sherlock went and collapsed into his chair with a look that told John if he didn't say something soon he would lose Sherlock to his Mind Palace. "So what did Mycroft want?"

"He has a case for us, obviously"

"I figured …" John sighed, trying not to get frustrated with Sherlock "What was so hard to figure out he had to come to you?"

"He needed the best, of course he would come to me." Sherlock steeped his fingers under his chin and closed his eyes "now do be quiet so I can think"

John was about to blow up on Sherlock when he heard the beep from his phone.

_Missing man: William Winsor, age 48 – M.H._

John sighed, at least that was something to go on, grateful Mycroft understood Sherlock would give him no information. He went to his laptop and started doing some research. When he opened his e-mail he had one waiting from Anthea (apparently Mycroft was going to be extra helpful) that contained a clearly modified personal report on William.

After hours of research John had pathetically little on their victim. William clearly worked for or with Mycroft and did secret work as evidence by the report from Anthea. He had no known family and lived alone. (Again from the report) The only new information John was able to gather before going to bed, exhausted, was that William had left a week ago to visit friends in the country and never arrived. The question that was on his mind as he fell asleep was 'why does Mycroft not know about the vacation'

Sherlock was up early in the morning (if he even went to bed, he was still in his own mind when John went to bed) and playing his Violin, waking John. John got dressed and went downstairs to yell at Sherlock to knock it off. His words died in his throat when he saw Sherlock. Sherlock was dressed in jeans and a tight fitting white shirt. The shirt was pulled up slightly while Sherlock was playing, giving John a little peak of the pale skin of his back. John's breath caught at the view. He had long known his feeling for his flatmate were more than plutonic in nature. He would never say anything to Sherlock about it though, fearing Sherlock would laugh at him, or dismiss his feeling as insignificant. As John blatantly check out his flatmate he was reminded how badly he had to get a new place, not trusting himself around Sherlock for much longer.

"Oh, good your awake" Sherlock said as he turned to John, giving him just enough warning to wipe the desire from his face and replace it with annoyance. "Go pack, we are going on a trip"

"A trip? Where?"

"Isn't it obvious, you found the location" Sherlock put his violin away "Really John, ever you should have realized we have to investigate this couple."

John sighed. Of course he knew Sherlock would do this but he was to sleep deprived to deal with him. "And you're going like that?"

"Why of course, this is my disguise" Sherlock said, doing a little spin "don't you like it?"

"Not much of a disguise" John pointed out. While he never thought Sherlock would ever wear anything like what he had on, the jeans he wore so tight it left little to John's imagination (and did his imagination go wild) but anyone would know he was none other than the Sherlock Homes. "Who are you trying to be?"

"Your Boyfriend"

A/N ok I'm going to leave it hear for now. I had to get a lot of background out in this chapter. Next one we start our investigation. That is if John can recover from his shock.


	2. First date?

Chapter two

**A/N Things are about to get a little confusing for John. Let's hope he can figure out what is going on. I wanted to make this a little longer but I think this is a good holding place before the wonderfully long one to come next.**

John stared at Sherlock open mouthed. Did he hear Sherlock right? Sherlock wanted to be his boyfriend? John knew that he had feelings for Sherlock, feelings he had been trying his hardest to ignore. At that moment though, all of Johns feeling came racing to the front of his mind. He vaguely realized that he was too shocked to keep anything from showing on his face as he normally did when around Sherlock. Why should he hide anyways, didn't Sherlock just say that he wanted to be John's boyfriend? His heart rate spiked and he felt like he couldn't get any air in. He was feeling light headed and thought he was going to pass out.

"Really John, there is no reason to look so scared, this was a natural choice given the evidence laid out" Sherlock had the 'how do I ever deal with these idiots' look John knew well from working on crime scenes but there was a little glint to his eyes that let John know Sherlock was amused with his reaction.

"What …. What evidence?" John didn't like how his voice broke when he talked. There's some evidence right there for Sherlock to add to whatever file he had in him mind.

"The ring on his left hand although everyone swears he was not married. The fact even Mycroft does not believe his simply left with a women. Although Mycroft isn't as intelligent as I am, even he would have known that females were not the victim's choice in bed mate. The most important part is the secret trip he didn't want any of his coworkers to know about. It was a vacation with his husband" Sherlock said in a bored tone. "Really John where you even listening when Mycroft was talking?"

John had to bite back the remark that no he wasn't listening because he wasn't even here. That's not what he was really angry about, he was angry that he misunderstood Sherlock. He felt himself go limp and he collapsed into his chair, making it look natural. "So why do we have to be a couple?"

"Pretend couple, John, and it will gain our suspects trust."

"What suspect?" John could feel a headache coming, luckily watching the muscles work in Sherlock's legs and rear as he paced the length of the living room was helping.

"The husband"

John sighed, he should have known that was coming. He couldn't handle any more of Sherlock at that moment and just went to his room to pack. As he did so, he decided that if Sherlock wanted to act like a couple, then they would.

-0-

A few hours on a train later and they found themselves at a beautiful resort. John didn't want to know how Sherlock was paying for this. There was two spa's, natural hot springs outside, and their room was the size of their entire flat back home. Only one bed John noticed as they entered the room. One large king size bed with silk sheets. There was also a couch to the side, he figured one of them could sleep there. Before he could settle in Sherlock was insisting they go talk to the suspect. John attempted to argue for all of five seconds before going with Sherlock. The moment they left the room though he reached over and took Sherlock's hand, entwining their fingers. Sherlock raised an eyebrow at John but didn't say anything.

"Well … umm … we are supposed to be in love, right?" John told Sherlock, wanting to explain his actions. He could feel a slight blush and tried to hide it.

Sherlock found the husband down at the bar. John wasn't sure how Sherlock knew he would be there, but he didn't ask. "Mr. Winsor, do you mind if we sit with you?" Sherlock asked the man. He wasn't bad looking John noticed. In fact he was similar to Sherlock in height and build, but where Sherlock had glowing white skin this man had used a little too much fake tan and looked an unhealthy orange. Sherlock's hair was dark, soft, crazy curls and the man before them had flat blondish brown that reminded John of dirty hay. John had to shake his head to snap himself out of it, he was comparing men to Sherlock now, not that there was a comparison here. This man was nothing compared to Sherlock.

The man looked up surprised "who are you?" he asked

"Friends of William's" John told him, putting his arm around Sherlock's waist. He told himself it was for the act they were to put on, but really he didn't like the way the man in front of him was looking Sherlock over. "My name is John and this is my boyfriend Sherlock" It came out more natural then John thought it would, and it felt really good on his lips.

Sherlock leaned into John a little "William told us the two of you would be here this weekend and we thought it would be wonderful to finally meet you" Sherlock sat at the table, across from Mr. Winsor, John taking the seat next to him.

Sherlock and the man talked, John picked up that his name was Damian and that he had known William for three years. From what John picked up it sounded that Damian was worried about his husband that had went missing two days before. 'So he did make it to his trip' John noted. That was all he picked up though to be honest. He didn't hear most of what was said because he was too busy touching Sherlock. He ran his hand over Sherlock's back, smiling when Sherlock would tense slightly when John's hand met the bare skin of his lower back. When Sherlock sat back in his chair John moved his hand to Sherlock's leg, feeling the muscles clench under his caress. John was enjoying himself but knew Sherlock had enough when he placed his hand over John's and held it still. At least he didn't moved John away. After letting the warmth of Sherlock's touch soak in for a minute John returned to the conversation to discover it had changed.

"So you two met two years ago? I can see how much love you share" Damian said "You two practically glow"

John stiffened at that. Yes he was trying to come off as head over heels for Sherlock, but he didn't want Sherlock to know he really was head or heels for him. "Thank you" John said quietly. He leaned up to whisper in Sherlock's ear "I don't think we are going to get anything from him, I don't even think he is involved"

"Did you deduce that before or after molesting my leg?" Sherlock whispered back, squeezing the hand he still held on his leg.

John turned red "We are supposed to be a couple, remember. That's what couples do, they touch each other" John tried taking his hand back but Sherlock stood with it still in his hand.

"Your right John, it is getting very late, we should go to bed" Sherlock pulled John up by hid hand.

Damian was smiling at them sadly "you two go get some rest." John knew from the tone in his voice that Damian thought they would be doing anything but resting. More so that he missed William and wanted to be 'resting' with him. That only further cemented John's belief that Damian was innocent.

Sherlock took John to their room, mumbling to himself the whole way, John tuning him out. John knew when he figured out what he was working on Sherlock would let him know. He didn't notice, until they got to the room and he needed his hand to unlock the door, that they were still holding hands.

Once inside Sherlock sat on the couch, laying down with his legs over the arm, fingers steeped under his chin. John took a quick shower and changed into sleep cloths, climbing into the bed. It was hard for John to fall asleep in the strange bed and the strange quiet. He focused on the only familiar thing in the room, Sherlock's voice. He slowly drifted off into a deep sleep, dreaming of his Sherlock.

**A/N Oh no Sherlock is getting stumped on his case … or is he? Soon we get to find out what happened to our missing man and why Sherlock can't piece things together.**


	3. Hot Dreams

Chapter Three

**A/N This chapter opens up more question then it answers, sorry. I promise we will figure this case out together. But until that happens, enjoy some shameless smut.**

John's dream started as they normally did, with death. He was in the field hospital during the war. The room was impossibly big with men on beds as far as the eye could see, all dying. John was trying to save them all but the nurse kept pulling him from one patient to the next. John was becoming overwhelmed, the nurse screaming over and over "These men are dying doctor, save them!"

Just when John was on the edge of a breakdown he felt two arms wrap around his waist. Sherlock was pressed against his back, his head resting on top of Johns. "Shh they are all going to be alright, doctor"

"Sherlock? What are you doing here, I need to work" he tried to pull away and get back to the man he was working on but Sherlock held him tighter.

"No, John, you already saved them" At Sherlock's words all the men disappeared along with all but one bed. "See John, it's just us here" Sherlock kissed the pulse point just below John's ear, his hands moving over John's now bare chest.

"Sher ….. What?" John let out a light moan when Sherlock sucked on his earlobe. "What are you doing?" He managed to ask on a shaky breath.

"Making you happy" one of Sherlock's arms wrapped around his hips and pulled them tight together. John could feel Sherlock's arousal against him. John suddenly didn't was to talk anymore. He turned around in Sherlock's arms and kissing him deeply. Sherlock parted his lips for John within seconds and their tongues brushed against each other. Sherlock pushed John onto the bed in front of them and started pulling of John's trousers and pants, smirking when he had him naked.

John reached up and quickly removed Sherlock from his clothes. John's hands finding and stroking Sherlock's arousal, getting the same treatment in return. "Oh … Sherlock" he moaned and rocked his hips into Sherlock's hand. John never thought himself as a very vocal lover but he always was in this world, with his Sherlock. Perhaps he was this way to make up for Sherlock's quiet. The only way to know Sherlock was enjoying it was the way his erection would twitch when John ran his thumb over top. His labored breathing would catch for a second before he started panting again. John loved reading his body language, for once he wasn't in full control of his body and that was at the hands of John.

Sherlock rolled John onto his stomach and pulled his hips into the air, slipping into John in one smooth move. He leaned forward, chest to back, kissing and nipping John's neck. His hand moved over John at the same pace as his thrusts, each thrust hitting John's prostate, sending pleasure spikes though him. John kept saying Sherlock's name over and over. "Faster Sherlock ….. Harder Sherlock …. There Sherlock … Oh Sherlock …. Sherlock!"

-0-

John woke up suddenly and it only took a second for a few things to become clear to him. He was on the very edge of release and getting closer by the second as someone was stroking him. He closed his eyes, letting out a slight moan, and tried to hold back his impending orgasm long enough to figure out what was happening. He was in the bed in his and Sherlock's hotel room. The hand was still moving slowly over the length of his erection so he knew it wasn't his own hand. While he was known to have wet dreams often he had never pulled himself off while dreaming. Then he noticed the warmth on his back and the overwhelming musky smell that was, Sherlock. Sherlock was press hard against his back but he wasn't laying still. Sherlock was the one that pulled John out of his sleeping trousers and was stroking him. Along with that wonderful sensation was the feeling of Sherlock grinding his own erection into John's hip.

John had so many questions in his head but at that moment Sherlock's hand tightened and he did a twist to his wrist John always loved when he did it to himself. After just a few more strokes John was coming shamelessly, moaning Sherlock's name. Sherlock didn't let go of him after that, still rubbing against John's hip. John had to remove his hand before the aftershocks became painful. Once John did that and moved just a little away from Sherlock, intending to return the favor, Sherlock grabbed ahold of himself. It was then John realized that Sherlock was still asleep. He released a sigh of relief and snuck from the bed to the shower, rushing to get in before Sherlock woke and deduced what had just happened between them. John was surprised to hear a startled shout a minute later. He could tell Sherlock found his release, waking at near the same time. What had John frozen though was he could swear he heard his name muffled in Sherlock's cry.

-0-

After taking an abnormally long time in the bathroom to compose himself, and give Sherlock time to compose himself, John and Sherlock were ready for the day. Sherlock was in tight jeans again and a blue shirt this time. The shirt was longer than the one yesterday, John noted, meaning that there would be no teasing peaks of flesh. Probably for the better, he reminded himself, trying not to think about that wonderful morning in bed.

Their day today consisted of following the tracks of William's last day at the resort. They started off with a nice breakfast at one of the many restaurants in the resort. John, wanting Sherlock to eat and feeling a tad romantic, was feeding Sherlock bites of food off his plate. Sherlock raised an eyebrow at him when he first held out a fork full of pancakes for Sherlock to eat. "I want you to try this, sweetheart" John said to remind Sherlock of their cover. That was enough to persuade Sherlock to eat. They ended up shearing the whole plate.

After breakfast they went to the hot springs. They both changed into swim trucks and John followed Sherlock on the path to the springs, his eyes mapping out every detail of his back. It's not that John had never seen Sherlock topless before, or naked for that matter, (he shuttered to remember the childish behavior Sherlock showed at Buckingham Palace) but after the morning activities this seemed more intimate. John could feel the heat pooling in his stomach and was grateful when they got to a nearly empty pool and he was able to sink into the warm water and hid his growing erection.

After getting in the water Sherlock seemed to slip right into his Mind Palace. John noticed he had been acting off all day and wondered if he knew what they did that morning. If he did, John would give him time to sort it out. John himself needed time to sort it out. He closed his eyes and tried to work through all the conflicting thoughts he had. He had always believed Sherlock was asexual but he now had hard (wonderfully hard) evidence that was not true. The more he tried to sort out his feelings the more he remembered the feel of Sherlock's hand around him, the way his hardness felt against John's hip. John could tell Sherlock was longer then he imagined. John wished he had taken a better look when he had the chance. He found himself wondering if Sherlock had prominent veins or if he had a curve, John didn't even know if he was circumcised or not. He had done everything he could to avoid looking at that area of Sherlock in the past and now it seemed to be of the upmost importance.

John was boarding on painfully hard and movement of the water is what broke him out of his daydream. Damian had found them and was now sitting across from them in the water. John moved closer to Sherlock, trying to hide the evidence of his wayward thoughts as he did so.

"Hello … I'm sorry to bother you, I was just wondering if you knew anything about William yet" He looked very worried.

"Oh... umm … we are working on it"

"I remembered something that might be helpful" Damian said "There was a guy I saw talking with William before he disappeared"

"Let me just wake Sherlock really quick" John tried to shake Sherlock out of his trance but it was no use. He bit his lower lip, trying to think of what to do before thinking 'fuck it, we are supposed to be a couple'. He leaned over and kissed Sherlock right on the lips. At the angle he was sitting at, it had John half over his lap, John having to put a lot of weight on his bad leg to keep his erection away from Sherlock, he was down to half aroused but any arousal around Sherlock is not allowed. Sherlock didn't respond to the first light brush of lips so John tried a deeper kiss, taking Sherlock's lower lip between his teeth. John didn't know what shocked him more, that Sherlock snapped out of his trance or the few split seconds that Sherlock kissed him back, passionately.

"Did you need something, Love?" Sherlock asked against John's lips. John turned bright red, and it took a minute before he realized Sherlock was continuing with their cover.

"Sorry to disturb you, but Damian has some new evidence" John sat back down. Sherlock had a smile in his eyes and put his arm around Johns shoulder. His fingers traced around the scar tissue from his gunshot, massaging it lightly. Normally John would be self-conscious about his scar but not around Sherlock.

It took way to long for John to realize Sherlock was trying to distract him, and succeeding, but something Damian said caught his attention. "Did you say suit and umbrella?"

"Yes, I thought it was very strange for a man to be so overly dressed given the hot weather, and it was a perfectly sunny day, no need for an umbrella" Damian explained "The whole thing seemed rather odd"

John sent cold. Mycroft Homes. He was the only man on the planet to always have an umbrella in hand. What was Mycroft doing here? Why didn't he tell them that he knew where the victim disappeared? Did he do something to William? And if so why would he then turn around and ask Sherlock to find the missing man if he knew where he was? Could it be he knows no one, not even Sherlock, would be able to find William? Was Mycroft Homes a killer?

**A/N This story is starting to take on a life of its own and I am loving it. Any thoughts on who did what? I know and I'm not telling, yet.**


	4. Mycroft Holmes

Chapter Four

**A/N You are all in luck. I couldn't wait to post this next chapter so you get two in one day. See now aren't you lucky. **

"Irrelevant" Sherlock stated, dismissing the information

"Are you sure? I mean I didn't think much about it at the time, but then William, he …." Damian tried to argue.

"I am positive"

"Sherlock maybe we should think about this" John tried to talk to him

"There is nothing to think about, John, I believe I know what happened. We just have to conduct and experiment to prove my theory."

"You know what happened to William then?" Damian sounded hopeful

"If things go as planned your husband will be back tomorrow night." Sherlock got a thoughtful look as he worked out his plan. "The morning after at the latest." He sounded so sure of himself that Damian relaxed, and after some assurance from John, he left the two alone.

John turned on Sherlock as soon as they were alone. "Mycroft was here. How can you ignore that Sherlock? You know what your brother can do. Hell he has a habit of kidnapping people. He kidnapped me"

"Oh, come now John. I would hardly call your talk with my brother a kidnapping. I must say this is sloppy, even for Mycroft. It matters little though, things will continue to progress as normal." Sherlock to up and put on a white fluffy robe, John copying his actions. "Your tense, go get a massage, it will help your shoulder. I can see that it is bothering you."

Almost as if because Sherlock said it, Johns shoulder ached as he put his robe on. "I can't believe you, Sherlock Homes, would ignore the evidence handed to you." Sherlock ignored John of course. He walked off away from him and John heard something about meeting for dinner and Sherlock was gone. John decided to go get the massage, not because Sherlock told him to, but because they were at a nice resort and he was going to enjoy himself, or at least that's what he told himself.

-0-

John was dressed nice when he met Sherlock for dinner. If Sherlock was right, which he always was, John only had another night or two to be Sherlock's boyfriend, and he was going to make the most of it. So he was dressed in his best black trousers and blue dress shirt, the same color as Sherlock's eyes. John was not so much shock as annoyed when he got to the restaurant and Sherlock was there dressed in his normal suit. Apparently the undercover part of the investigation was over, making John feel awkward now. For the first time all day his mind decided to remind him that he has kissed his best friend. Kissed him and there was no way to avoid it. As that started to set in John had another shock to his system. Mycroft was sitting with Sherlock at the table. They were deep in conversation, 'odd' John thought, and he didn't think he saw him.

John made a quick decision that he was going to avoid the entire awkward dinner and go somewhere else to eat, far away from the Homes brothers. John found himself at the bar on the other side of the resort, having a burger and beer. John had to figure out what he was going to do about everything that had happed in the last 24 hours. He kept coming back to a thought he had been having for mouths, he needed to move out of the flat. While he knew he could never leave Sherlock entirely he needed space away from him. The thought of leaving made his heart ache though. John found himself making a mental pro and con list on staying with Sherlock.

**Con:**

1. Sherlock's mood swings

2. Sherlock's experiments

3. Sherlock interfering with his personal life

4. Sherlock's mess

5. Sherlock's 3 am violin practice

6. Never living this trip down

7. Haunted by memories of this trip

8. Sherlock's insults

9. Having to check for drugs and cigarettes routinely

10. The tantrum that follows the search

**Pro:**

1. Sherlock

John sighed and finished his beer, returning to the room to think in quiet. Sherlock was still out, not that John was surprised. He stripped to his pants and laid in bed, thinking over Sherlock. He was starting to drift off to sleep when he heard his phone go off.

_You missed dinner – S.H._

John tried to just ignore it but another message came after a few minutes.

_I missed you – S.H._

_Mycroft wasn't good company? – J.W._

_That blue looked nice on you – S.H._

_So you did see me? – J.W._

_Obviously – S.H._

_I'm going to sleep Sherlock – J.W. _He put down his phone and thought Sherlock would let it end like that. It was quiet for a long time, so long John thought he had managed to fall asleep before his phone went off again.

_Dreaming about me? – S.H. _John knew as he read it that Sherlock thought about all the outcomes before sending that text.

_Dreaming about killing you, maybe – J.W._

_That is unlikely – S.H._

_What do you deduce I'm dreaming about then? – J.W._

John fell asleep before he got the answer from Sherlock. Almost an hour after John's last message his phone next time him bed lit up with Sherlock's response.

_Kissing me – S.H._


	5. Panic

Chapter 5

**A/N Thank you for being patient. Now that I'm over that horrid 36 hour work sift, I'm ready to get back to poor John. I have to admit this chapter was hard to write but I hope you enjoy it more the John did.**

It was dark, quiet, cold. A bitter cold that soaked into the bones. Quiet to the point your ears buzzed, your brain trying to compensate for the dead silence. The rich, tangy smell of blood was heavy in the air, along with the rancid smell of death. Panic built up inside, threatening to bubble over and consume John. 'Not again' he thought 'I can't take this anymore. I can't …. I'm not a doctor. I'm pathetic. I'm nothing'

"John, you're not pathetic. Well you are right now but not normally. I wouldn't work with you if you were." Sherlock was suddenly there, standing a few hundred yards in front of John under a spotlight.

"Sherlock?" he frowned at the man "I couldn't save them"

"Save who John?" it was then that John notice the smell was gone, it suddenly felt very warm in the room, and he could hear Sherlock's heart beat filling the room. "Really, you are starting to sound like Anderson, and that would be unfortunate."

"It … it must have been a flashback" he said to himself "I hate when that happens"

"Well I hate it when you run off to be with Sherlock" It was a female voice behind John and he spun to see one of his ex's there. He name was Jenny … or Janice …. Maybe Judy. He couldn't remember. He did remember the case he was on at the time. Two women drowned while riding the London Eye. He was in the middle of a date when Sherlock texted him and he left. He never saw her again after that.

"A date? It wasn't the middle of a date. It was the middle of having sex!" the woman shouted at him.

"I'm not surprised. They was he coddles Sherlock, it's pathetic. He is never going to like you" John spun to the voice and was confronted by another ex.

"Sherlock Holmes only loves himself" said yet another ex. John suddenly found himself surrounded by them.

"John is like a lost puppy"  
"Begging for any scrap of attention he can get"  
"Humping your leg and begging for treats"  
"How could anyone love someone so weak"  
"Screaming all night about bodies"  
"Your so damaged no one can put up with you"  
"Even Sherlock knows how broken you are and hates it"  
"Your nothing to him"  
"Your just his little toy for when he gets bored"  
"Once he has you all figured out he will be bored with you"  
"He will throw you out"  
"Once he knows what you've been thinking…"  
"How you want him…"  
"He will be so disgusted…"  
"He will know how weak you really are…"  
"And he will hate you"

John tried to get away from the attack but his leg gave out on him. 'Fucking leg, you're not even hurt' he curled up, covering his ears to block out the voices but they still came through.

Suddenly there was silence again. John slowly opened his eyes, he didn't even know he shut them, and saw Sherlock reaching out to help him up. "Or maybe he will love you for all that makes you different" Sherlock said as he helped him up.

"Sherlock?" John sounded as shocked as he looked. Suddenly there was a loud bang and John was covered in blood splatter. Sherlock looked stunned and fell to the ground in a heap. "Sherlock!" John knelt down and pushed his hands against the hole in Sherlock's chest. He looked around franticly, calling for help. His body went ice cold, except his hands that felt on fire from Sherlock's blood, he was going into shock himself. He couldn't lose Sherlock. "Stay with me. Please. Sherlock don't die." John was crying, unable to stop the blood that poured out of his best friend, making his hands slick. John begged Sherlock to stay alive in between calling for help.

Laughter was the only response he got, the women had returned.

"Look how pitiful you are"  
"You can't save anyone"  
"What kind of doctor are you?"  
"Going to let your lover die"  
"No wonder the military kicked you out"  
"You can't even keep one man alive"  
"Oh… look I think he is dead"

John went from franticly looking around to look at Sherlock. His eyes were met with a glassy gaze. Sherlock was indeed dead, and the women were still laughing at him.

"Sherlock!"

-0-

John bolted upright in bed, screaming Sherlock's name. To John's relief Sherlock was nowhere to be seen in the room. Wiping his eyes to see better, John relieved he had been crying in his sleep. All the images came back to him, making him shudder. He picked up his phone to check the time, it was still dark so it had to be late, and saw the text message from Sherlock

_Kissing me – S.H._

John didn't know how long he looked at the message, his mind still a panicked mess from his dream, but he knew it couldn't have been for then a few minutes. Sherlock knew. He knew John wanted to at least kiss him. Knew that he had dreamed about it. The message was three hours old and Sherlock had not come to bed. He knew what John wanted and he was avoiding him. John could feel his heart shatter. The words in his dream coming back to haunt him.  
"Once he knows what you've been thinking…" "How you want him…" "He will be so disgusted…" "He will know how weak you really are…" "And he will hate you"

John could feel the panic attack coming on but there was nothing he could do to stop it. His chest grew tight and it ached to even breathe. He was starting to hyperventilate, his arms and legs feeling numb. His vision narrowed to just his phone. Tears burned at the back of his eyes, blurring his vision even more, but John refused to let them fall. He would keep control of one part of his body, damnit. It was pointless though, the tears feel against all his protests. This feeling he was having right then was worse than anything he felt in the service. He felt like he was being drained, turned into a shell. He never realized just how strong his feeling for Sherlock were until right then. How could he ever think of leaving this man? There was no doubt in his mind that he loved Sherlock. That was his last thought before passing out. 'I disgust the man I love'


	6. Realization

Chapter Six

When John came too he quickly noticed he wasn't alone in the room. Sitting on the couch was Mycroft Holmes. He looked perfectly comfortable in his trademark suit, minus the jacket that was laying over the arm of the couch with his umbrella, sitting with one leg crossed over the other as he watched John.

"What the hell do you want?" John barked at him. "I'm not in the fucking mood today to deal with any Holmes" He got off the bed and glared at Mycroft

"I came to talk to you John, since clearly my little brother seems unable to do so." He was as calm and cold as he always was.

"I don't want …"

"You have been crying" Mycroft cut him off. "While I normally like to behave better the Sherly, he may have the right approach here. The two of you seem unable to see what is clear to everyone else."

"You came here to deduce me?" John crossed his arms over his chest, only then realizing he was shirtless and threw one on over his head, embarrassed by the heavy scaring to his shoulder.

"I already have, just unlike Sherlock I know not to always speak what I know."

"What do you think you know, Mycroft?"

"I know you love my brother" he said it in his normal flat tone but it felt like a slap to John making him flinch. "And I know that Sherly cares for you, I might even call it love if I felt he was susceptible to such weaknesses."

"That's a bloody lie" John's voice didn't have the conviction he was hoping it would. "I'm not gay. Sherlock isn't gay, and if he was he wouldn't love me." The shouts from his dream came back, telling him how pathetic he was, like a stray dog. He felt the tightness in his chest and fought to control it. He refused to show that weakness to a Holmes.

"You stare at him longer then is needed or socially acceptable when he enters a room. You worry about him when he doesn't eat or get the sleep you think he needs. I thank you for that. You support him against his drug addiction. When he gets near you reach out for him subconsciously, catching yourself when your fingers brush his coat, enough for you to know he safely nearby. And I won't mention the anxiety attack you were about to have over him." Mycroft sounded a lot like Sherlock and that bugged John almost as much as the fact he was right.

"Fine, I love Sherlock. Are you bloody happy!?" John went and opened the door "Now get out of my room"

"Don't you want to hear how I know Sherlock cares for you?" Mycroft had his iceman face on but the glint in his eye showed that he knew he had John trapped.

"Sherlock doesn't care for me. He doesn't care for anyone, not even himself."

"Then why does Sherlock _let_ you take care of him?" John paused at the words and closed the door, letting it sink in. Did Sherlock let John take care of him? It didn't feel like it, John had to fight with him over every little thing. But then, Sherlock always gave in. He didn't have to. He could blow John off or kick him out. But he didn't. He did what John asked on him. He complained the whole time and brooded after, but he did do it.

"You know how he tried to get you over that silly psychosomatic limp, but do you see the worry in his eyes when you start to favor the other leg?" Now that Mycroft mentioned it, any time John would feel the pain returning to his leg and start thinking of looking for his cane, Sherlock would have a break in whatever case they were working on. A break that normally included them having to go running through the back streets of the city, making him completely forget about his limp. Was Sherlock just trying to distract him?

"He defends you at crime scenes even when your observations are obvious to him." Mycroft had a point on that one. Sherlock himself might insult John but he never let anyone else.

"You are the only person Sherlock has ever been able to live with." John knew that was true as well, although he thought it said more about him than Sherlock. Sherlock had changed a lot since they moved in together though. He cleaned his experiments when he was finished with them. He sometimes put his dishes in the sink. On more than one occasion Sherlock had made tea for both of them. "He does care about you John"

"Being his friend and being his lover are two different kinds of caring." John was unable to stop the words before they came out. "And since I don't see Sherlock bloody Holmes ever letting someone fuck him, I don't see why we are having this conversation."

"Are you so sure about that? He has before." Mycroft got up and started to leave. He was almost out the door before John had finished letting that sink in and thought to stop him.

"Is that what this was all about? You kidnap one of your own guys, someone you knew was gay to make us confront our feelings?" John looked as confused as he felt "That's it, isn't it? You knew Sherlock would was to act like a couple to talk to the suspects without raising any red flag. You thought that if Sherlock was forced to act that way he might find he liked it and find out he had feelings for me? So you meet up with William and send him away to some hideaway house and contact Sherlock acting like you have no idea where he was or that he was even into guys. Then what? When me and Sherlock get nice and close you were going to bring William back and have a good laugh at manipulating us? Well I'm not playing anymore Mycroft, I'm leaving."

There was a small smile on Mycroft's face. "You are correct in almost everything. This wasn't my idea though, it was Sherlock's" John was too shocked, for about the hundredth time that weekend, to stop him from leaving, just staring at the closed door. He grabbed his phone and sent a hurried message to Sherlock.

_We need to talk – J.W._

**A/N I think there will only be one more chapter after this. I hope you have all enjoyed. I can't promise a happy ending but I know the end is going to be a dozy. **


	7. Truth be told

Chapter Seven

John sat down and waited for Sherlock to respond. He was answered by the man just walking into the room. John felt the air catch in his throat. He shouldn't be affected by him simply walking into the room, but everything Mycroft had said was running through his head. Sherlock looked nervous, not looking at John and that made him more confused and scared.

No one said anything for a long time, both men very tense. John had a million things running through his head but he wasn't able to focus on any one thing. Sherlock looked like he was completely lost and that scared John more than anything. Sherlock didn't do lost, he was never unsure or scared. They stayed like that for what felt like hours but was really only about ten minutes.

"You wanted to talk?" Sherlock finally said

"I … I don't really know what to say"

"This is silly John. We both know this is nothing."

John felt those words like a stab in the heart. "Why do you say that?" he whispered the words, unsure if Sherlock could even hear him.

"You're a good friend John. Mycroft just does not understand friendship." Sherlock said matter-of-factly.

"Friends … you really think that's what this is Sherlock?" John's anger was shown in his voice.

"Obviously, we could never be anything more." Sherlock kept talking after that, presumably explain all the reasons why they couldn't work but John didn't hear any of it.

Sherlock didn't want him. He knew that he was being stupid to even hope that Mycroft was right about Sherlock. He would never feel that strongly for another human being. "Why?"

"I just told you why" Sherlock didn't like to repeat herself.

"No, why do all this? Why set me up? Was this just a game to you? An experiment? Do my feelings mean nothing to you?" John was shouting at Sherlock by the end. Sherlock just stood still, unsure of what to say. "Bloody hell Sherlock! You just did this to file information in your Mind Palace. Another piece in the John Watson puzzle, is that it?" He stormed over to Sherlock. "File this into your stupid mind"

John kissed him, hard. He shoved the taller man against the wall, one hand at the back of his neck, holding him in place and pulling him down onto John's lips. John let all his frustration out into his kiss before slowly getting gentler. When he started to pull away Sherlock suddenly wrapped his arms around John and held him close, kissing him back for the first time. John moaned into the kiss for a second but then pulled back. He turned and left the room, leaving Sherlock standing against the wall. He got satisfaction in the dumbfounded look on Sherlock's face.

-0-

John didn't see Sherlock the rest of the day. He went to the hot springs, knowing Sherlock wouldn't look for him there, and tried to relax. He knew what he wanted now, he wanted Sherlock. He was now trying to figure out what Sherlock might want. He kissed him back so he must have some interest. Or was he just trying to make more notes, figure out John. Sherlock had planned this whole trip, which has to mean something. The problem John was having is that Sherlock didn't think like a normal person. He went back to the room late that night and wasn't really surprised Sherlock was there but lost in his own head. He didn't even look up as John stripped and got into bed.

John was physically relaxed from his day but mentally he was about to blow, again. He tried to relax and go to sleep but anytime he started to drift off he saw Sherlock leaving him and jolted awake. After a few hours of this he jolted away and didn't see Sherlock on the couch where he had been. John's chest tightened and he felt the attack coming on again. He felt so weak the last few days, his nightmares and high emotions making his PTSD worse than it had since meeting Sherlock.

He was starting to hyperventilate when an arm wrapped around him, pulling him against a hard, warm, chest. "I'm right here John" Sherlock said into his ear. John started to relax instantly. Something soft and warm pressed against his ear (lips?) before moving slowly down his neck. "I may have been mistaken in my thinking before"

"Mistaken? What does that mean? Is this a dream?" John relaxed into Sherlock. "I really hope this isn't a dream" he said to himself.

"Not a dream, this is real. On further examination of the facts I came to the conclusion that Mycroft may be correct in regards to me" he spoke so quietly that John could hardly hear him even with his lips against his ear. The light brush of lips on his ear made him shiver.

"What about you?" He knew he was pushing his luck but he wanted to hear Sherlock say it.

"I don't want to be without you" Sherlock was tense against his back.

"I don't want to be without you either"

"You were planning on moving out. You were looking at other flats between Baker Street and the Surgery." Sherlock was holding him tightly. "I think better with you around"

John turned around and snuggled close to Sherlock, placing his head on the taller man's shoulder. "Go to sleep Sherlock, I'm not going anywhere"

Sherlock held him close as he slept and for the first night in many weeks, John didn't have any nightmares.

**A/N i'm thinking this might not be the end. Atleast one more and then maybe one about when the Yard finds out about them. Let me know what you think.**


	8. Returning Home

Chapter Eight

**A/N I never planned for this story to be this long. Sherlock sort of got away from me, the stubborn man just won't listen to anything I tell him to do. *Sigh* the pain of being a writer. I hope you all are enjoying and thank you so much for all your kind words.**

John woke up to what was quickly becoming a common, comfortable feeling, Sherlock wrapped around him. John was still using Sherlock's head as a pillow and had one leg over his hips. Sherlock had one arm tight around John, holding him in place, the other hand was slowly running fingers through John's hair. It was heaven.

They laid like that forever until John realized he really had to use the loo. He placed a small kiss to Sherlock's chest, because it was there and he wanted to, and disentangled himself at Sherlock's protest. He made his trip quick and headed back to bed. On his way back he noticed Sherlock, who had been dressed when he left, was now nothing but beautiful bare skin from head to where his body disappeared under the bed sheets. Sherlock was half seated, leaning against the headboard. John took a moment to just look him over. He was surprised how comfortable Sherlock looked, in contrast to how lost he was the night before, he had the same high look on his face he had when they figured out a extra hard case. John could see Sherlock's eyes wondering over his almost naked body. John let his eyes wonder too, following the light dusting of dark hair on Sherlock's chest as it headed down beneath the bed sheet. John could feel the warmth and swelling in his groin from Sherlock's heated looks. He took a deep calming breath and, in a moment of daring, took his pants off to be naked to Sherlock's view before getting into bed beside him, under the sheets.

Sherlock was actually blushing and John loved it. He snuggled up to Sherlock, resting his head on his shoulder again. John had a feeling this mood wouldn't last long with Sherlock, but he was going to fully enjoy it while he could.

"Why didn't you tell me about your PTSD?" Sherlock asked, putting an arm around John's waist, hand resting on his hip.

"You knew I had PTSD"

"You _have_ PTSD" Sherlock corrected "You have had two … no three attacks this week alone"

"It's been a bad week" John admitted

"You were worried about me leaving and it brought up bad memories. It's understandable"

"Sherlock, shut up" John grumbled at him. "You're not helping"

"Will this help?" Sherlock leaned down and kissed John lightly on the lips, clearly unsure what he was doing. John made a happy noise as he kissed back, taking Sherlock's lower lip between his teeth. It was a slow kiss, each man learning what the other one liked.

John jumped when he felt long fingers work their way across his hip, brushing against his semi hard length. "Sherlock, wait" John stopped him, moving away just slightly.

"I know you want his John. Your pulse is elevated, pupils dilated. Your skin is flushing and well …" he looked at John's lap and his growing problem there. "It's obvious"

"I'm not saying I don't want this. I have literally dreamed about this." Sherlock reached for him and John stopped him again. "But, I don't want to rush this. Relationships take time"

"I think we are past the three date rule John"

"Sherlock, I mean this. I know this is new to you, it's new to me. I'm not saying this won't happen, just not now" John was using his military voice and after a few tense moments Sherlock agreed.

"If you think it is better to wait I will follow your lead. You are more experienced in these matters." John just took the win and laid with Sherlock again. They were going to have to go home soon but John wanted to just enjoy these Sherlock for a little bit longer.

-0-

Not much had changed when John and Sherlock got home. John was doing all the cooking and cleaning and Sherlock was moping in his chair, waiting for a case to just appear. When after a week Sherlock had done nothing to even hint at what had happened between them John started to lose hope.

It was almost two weeks, two case free weeks, when John woke up to the comfortable feeling of Sherlock. He was surrounded by Sherlock's scent, his arm and leg heavy where they were draped over John. He was curled up slightly to lay with his head on John's scared shoulder. Sherlock was holding him like a teddy bear. John could tell by his even breathing that Sherlock was still asleep. John had to get up and go to the Surgery but he didn't want to wake the beautiful man laying with him.

John didn't have to wake him though, Sherlock got a text message and the ding woke the detective. John smiled at the sleepy look on his face as he reached out, eyes closed, looking for the phone. John handed it to Sherlock, who gave him a kiss in return. Sherlock never even looked at the phone as he wrote his text.

"What is going on?" John asked him

"Murder, might be interesting. Told them to keep Anderson away and we would be there in an hour" He tightened his hold on John, not making any move to get up.

"What kind of murder? Did Greg tell you where?"

Sherlock shrugged "Didn't look" he kissed the mess of scars on john's shoulder. Apparently Sherlock showed more affection when sleepy. John knew they should get up and go meet with Greg. He knew Anderson would mess with the crime scene. He knew that would make Sherlock angry. He just didn't care right then.

"Sherlock, can we always sleep like this?" John kissed the black curls laying on his chest.

"I think that is very agreeable" Sherlock mumbled before drifting back to sleep.

**A/N Next chapter we get to see how John and Sherlock can work this fragile relationship into their working life. I know you were probably hoping for Smut but I just don't see John rushing it. Might be up to a week before I continue this, sorry. I'm thinking many chapters to come.**


	9. End?

**A/N I have decided that I'm going to continue this story under a new name. "Case of the Forgotten Lover" Please read and review. I hope you like it.**


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